Road Scholars
Road Scholars is a chatroom/ill-advised social experiment moderated by McKain and QueenTakesRook. History The origins of Road Scholars are shrouded in the mists of time and obscurity. In its current incarnation, the room is run by McKain, a refugee/exile from League of Gamers, who assumed power in a (debateably) bloodless coup in the summer of 2008. Since then, numerous sources agree that things have only gotten worse. Lawlessness, terror and rampant gay innuendo stalk the landscape, as aid agencies refuse to risk sending in personnel. This suits the room's regulars perfectly, as their caustic and misanthropic nature puts them largely at odds with the outside world, any incursion from which will likely be met with a combination of threats of violence, rapier wit and common-or-garden mockery. Technology Attempts have occasionally been made to drag Road Scholars kicking and screaming into the twenty-first century. Most notable have been the forays into robotics by McKain and burnme, creating McAble (latterly iPal) and BurnBot. BurnBot has since been removed by its creator following a dispute over the inclusion in its vocabulary of a reference to a type of Chinese sailing vessel. iPal, now having a monopoly, offers a calculator, reports when it has last seen a given user, and simulates the throws of dice. Some critics point out that the tea and coffee making facilities leave a lot to be desired, however. Law Enforcement Of questionable efficacy. In the event of spamming or trolling, the promptest response is typically offered by Road Scholar regulars turning out with pitchforks and lit torches to remove the miscreant, or at least damage his self-esteem to the point that he begins to question the meaning of life itself. This typically results in a swift (or at least entertaining) resolution, without the need to involve Kongregate mods (pictured to the right). Room Culture Road Scholars are typically sarcastic, irreverent, disdainful of anything not directly beneficial to their own lives, and sex-obsessed. Asking for game help will typically be met with the same response as politely enquiring of a vicar whether you might violently sodomise his wife and daughter and then clean yourself off on his curtains afterwards. Despite this attitude (or perhaps because of it), Scholars are typically welcoming to newcomers, providing they have an IQ greater than that of a glass of water. The conversation, inasmuch as it deserves the term, is driven by the twin influences of the Dada movement and mescaline, akin to a highly-intellectual professor of art, specialising in the works of the lesser-known pre-Raphaelites, after having had his drink spiked with cheap vodka. It may be the only room on Kongregate where the lesser works of Moliere have been mentioned in the same breath as duct-taping unruly children to walls and dropping sailing boats onto Americans from a cargo plane. Most notable are the ritualistic tangents that the conversations often go on. They start out with a simple comment, building and building until you have a conversations so abstract that to try and find where it began would drive one utterly insane. Notable Scholars Given that most regulars will never amount to anything, it is highly suspect as to whether there is such a thing as a truly notable Road Scholar. Nonetheless, we offer the following examples (in no particular order), intended solely as cautionary tales: McKain The room owner, and Acting Ban Dispenser, 2nd Class. Also known as McAFKain as he is often AFK. May be easily exploited via his deep-seated (and bordering on the pathological) love of upcoming game, Borderlands. QueenTakesRook Fairly recently modded, as of going to press. Universally loved, except by trolls. Newly sham-hitched to PurpleAlex. JeniFire/Fuego_Caliente Thus far, the only regular demonstrably capable of acting like a responsible adult, by virtue of having successfully made babies in her tummy. Missus of burnme. Ghostduckie Simultaneously the best and worst features of Road Scholars. He enjoys long walks on the beach, and eating bread crumbs. PurpleAlex Born in the United Kingdom in 1991, PurpleAlex strives to describe chatrooms in the manner of a Jane Austen character asking Jeeves for his daughter's hand in marriage. Plans to get by in life by using witty pop-culture references and harming the mental integrity of young children and feeble-minded adults. He enjoys tearing people down until they have nothing to live for and then finishing them off by inviting them to a classy restaurant to share an expensive brunch. Of course, PurpleAlex does not pay. Newly sham-hitched to QueenTakesRook. Danbuckley5 The other other British one. Apparently not very interesting, since that's literally all I could think of when it came to describing him. But I just checked his profile; holy shit, level 36?! A man with too much time on his hands. January 16th is his birthday. Happy Birthday, Dan! CaraAdele Lives in France, where she spends most of her time trying to stop PurpleAlex from stealing her boyfriend. Terrenae Awesome bookish history-nerd. Not, in fact, the same person as Cara. ChaoticCrusade The local evil genius bent on world domination, commonly called "CC" for short. Your typical self-entitled, self-absorbed, nerdy Scholar. Is known for ranting about D&D, Star Wars, Soul Calibur, and City of Villains. He enjoys long walks on post-apocalyptic beaches, devouring the souls of the innocent, and worshipping the ground Steve Jobs walks on. An all-around stand-up guy, albeit a gibbering Mac-fiend. Knux A regular whose chief interests are grooming his oversized mane and evangelising for Rise Against. Silviar Awesomeness personified. Talented at appearing in the room, seemingly from out of thin air. May be a ninja or mythical beast. Boredom_Man An excellent regular, but sub-par superhero. Has also succeeded in doing the horizontal monster mash and making a kid. Kudos. Dionysus128 A social experiment created by Boredom_Man to study the social experiment that is Road Scholars, he performs social experiments on road scholars. But what he really wants to do is direct. f15hfac3 Resident Australian, and would-be paramour of madpraxis. And by 'would-be paramour' I mean 'potential next victim'. merlinseras The jury is still out on his emo status. May or may not be a wizard or mage. Part falcon, part hot anime chick, and also a self acclaimed love-sick-semi-stalker. ChaoticCrusade blames him for his recent love-sickness. DrEed By his own admission, a lover of wombats (wombatophile? check this - ed.). Is on some manner of police database because of this. madpraxis I don't know how to describe him, and his profile is blank. So... well, he's definitely a regular. Yes, he shows up sometimes. Which is nice. Update: just found out he enjoys long evenings watching lemmings jumping over cliffs. Triscuit113 Keanu Reeves for a new generation. kimital Princess of Road Scholars and all around sweet gal. She likes long showers. Oh, her birthday is the 22nd January. DarkAdrien The child Forrest Gump soundalike of the chatroom, often known as "a bit of a twat". Likes to spend his lonely evenings eating beans and contemplating ways to send the chatroom into a twirling vortex of chaos, constantly upsetting various conversations. He enjoys drawing pentagrams on merlinseras' head and harassing PurpleAlex due to deeply-repressed and unresolved sexual tension. Once you get to know him, or he warms up to you (whichever is first) you will find a beautiful blossoming soul caressed by a warm tropical breeze. ElMicha 17, lost in the forest of the scandinavian mountains. Checks into channel most days when hes not busy, or just not caringabout the schoo lession as he doesnt need the knowledge, hes to stupid. Oh, his birthday is the 25'th january. Aj613 14 but not arfraid to stand up for his rights,friends and or snacks,also not afraid to"kick sand in your face" but will offer his hand in friendship after helping you up.Also is an aspiring guitarist but with only a year of lessons and practice the road ahead will be long and intense. AoiScarlet ~Aoi-chan is 17 years old! ~A random random person, tends to start all the sentences with ~. Nekkuma Does Not Wear Pants. Draws comics for a living. Not good ones mind you. Enjoys trolling spammers.